Knight and the Unicorn; The

There was a knight, a lusty knight, a randy knight was he,
He had eleven mistresses and bastards thirty-three.
He indulged in every excess, yes, and each licentious wim,
So you should have seen his jaw drop when a unicorn chose him!

Please go away, my gold-maned friend, begone, I do declare!
My reputation will be shot with all the maidens fair.
I fear you've got the wrong man, oh, my friend with coat so fine,
I haven't been a virgin since I reached the age of nine!

I've led a very lusty life Falls, Winters, Springs, and Summers.
I have no peers with 'pole weapons' yes, I'll take on all comers.
So go away fair unicorn, if not I'll be grief-stricken,
The rampant cock upon my shield will turn into a chicken!

The ladies all reject me, thinking I'm so much bravado,
There must be twenty knights around with "Chastity" their motto.
So go away fair unicorn, yes, please leave me alone!
The ladies will not lay with me with you for caperone!

Please go away, fair unicorn, begone and do not tarry,
You'll find the kind of man you seek up in the monastary....
On second thought, they're not the type that's celibately sleeping,
Instead of Mass and priestly vows it's mistresses they're keeping!

The unicorn said not a word, but with a soft tap-tap,
She coiled her hoofs around his feet, put her head upon his lap.
The knight looked in her deep brown eyes and asked, "Why me? Why you?"
The unicorn demurely said, "My lord, I'm horny, too!"

There was a knight, a lusty knight, a randy knight was he,
He took to wife a unicorn, and they're both quite happy!